Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Maybe this does work

I've been using SparkPeople to track and plan my weight loss. I really like their site, and honestly, I'm feeling better about this whole thing than when I did before.

You've probably noticed that I haven't changed the weight tracker widget on the right side of my blog. I've done this for two reasons:

1. I'm lazy. Plain and simple, I just haven't gotten around to it.

2. It reminds me of what a failure of an attempt it was, and that I need to do better.

Since I started SparkPeople two weeks ago, I've lost 5 pounds (knocking on wood so as not to jinx myself). I'm happy with the way things are working and not dreading the whole process. I feel motivated by others on the site that feel the same way I do. I'm not the only one!!!

Here, I know there are loved ones and friends that read this and care for me, but there's nothing worse than feeling inadequate and alone. No one else I know is trying to lose weight (except Tim now), and lets face it, there's only so much relating he can do. He thinks it and the weight is gone. I struggle and I gain. It is helpful (comforting?) to talk to others having (or have had) the same issues. For some of us, this will never be an easy process.

Case and point: Tim made plans with his sister to take the kiddos to the opening day at War Memorial Park's pool. Great. He didn't plan with me. He didn't even ask how I felt about it. I don't like public pools. Too many people, no security for your belongings, no space. And like I'm going to try to put on a bathing suit that hasn't fit in forever and parade around like a beached whale. Um, NOT! He tried telling me that there are others walking around "large" and "in charge", but I'm not having it. I have no desire to see guys and gals (fit or not) walking around topless or parading 1/2 naked so that I can feel "better" about my physique. He didn't understand why I was so upset, why I wasn't having fun, why I didn't want to leave the shaded spot under the tree to get my feet wet (aside from other crispy complected concerns). So how is he supposed to help me?

Sorry, I suppose I should crank down the vents here. I know he loves me, and that he's trying to support me the best way he knows how. It will take me some time before I am willing to venture out in less than full coverage. He will just have to accept that.

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