Maybe this does work

I've been using SparkPeople to track and plan my weight loss. I really like their site, and honestly, I'm feeling better about this whole thing than when I did before.

You've probably noticed that I haven't changed the weight tracker widget on the right side of my blog. I've done this for two reasons:

1. I'm lazy. Plain and simple, I just haven't gotten around to it.

2. It reminds me of what a failure of an attempt it was, and that I need to do better.

Since I started SparkPeople two weeks ago, I've lost 5 pounds (knocking on wood so as not to jinx myself). I'm happy with the way things are working and not dreading the whole process. I feel motivated by others on the site that feel the same way I do. I'm not the only one!!!

Here, I know there are loved ones and friends that read this and care for me, but there's nothing worse than feeling inadequate and alone. No one else I know is trying to lose weight (except Tim now), and lets face it, there's only so much relating he can do. He thinks it and the weight is gone. I struggle and I gain. It is helpful (comforting?) to talk to others having (or have had) the same issues. For some of us, this will never be an easy process.

Case and point: Tim made plans with his sister to take the kiddos to the opening day at War Memorial Park's pool. Great. He didn't plan with me. He didn't even ask how I felt about it. I don't like public pools. Too many people, no security for your belongings, no space. And like I'm going to try to put on a bathing suit that hasn't fit in forever and parade around like a beached whale. Um, NOT! He tried telling me that there are others walking around "large" and "in charge", but I'm not having it. I have no desire to see guys and gals (fit or not) walking around topless or parading 1/2 naked so that I can feel "better" about my physique. He didn't understand why I was so upset, why I wasn't having fun, why I didn't want to leave the shaded spot under the tree to get my feet wet (aside from other crispy complected concerns). So how is he supposed to help me?

Sorry, I suppose I should crank down the vents here. I know he loves me, and that he's trying to support me the best way he knows how. It will take me some time before I am willing to venture out in less than full coverage. He will just have to accept that.

A "Golden" Opportunity

After Hubby and I went car shopping last night, we decided to go to Golden Corral for dinner because, as he suggested, we might find better food choices there than say at McDonalds or somewhere similar. I love how supportive he is! So we sit down at our table, he with his orange soda and me with my water, to contemplate our next move.

I start with a salad with sliced mushrooms, hard-boiled egg, and non-fat ranch. He counters with a plate of boneless ribs, fried chicken legs, and mashed potatoes and gravy. Good one.

For my next round, I grab a plate and start looking for something "healthy". Not finding anything appetizing, I opt for steamed broccoli; he chuckles and counters with strawberries and buttered rolls.

Craving meat, I go looking for something baked (not fried). I see the little markers advertising baked fish, but I see none on the buffet. I finally decided to take the advice of a recently-read Spark article, flagged someone down, and asked about baked chicken or fish. No chicken, but fish will be done in 10 minutes. I'll wait. In the mean time, I grabbed a mulit-grain roll and some margarine. Hubby laughs at me and counters with a plate of dessert.

Somewhere I confiscated his Iphone and downloaded the mobile app from Spark and started entering the dinner I'd eaten so far. I even looked up how much the strawberries and fish would be added to my dinner. Deciding that they were worth it, I selected some very tasty strawberries to add to my plate and went in search of fish. The talapia, I found out, was ready, and I returned to our table with the spoils of my quest. Hubby was done, so I gave him some of my strawberries.

Overall, I've seen my calories go down as I've more closely monitored what I've eaten. I'm usually way over on carbs and calories, right on my fat, and way below on my protein. Last night I was only 3 calories over my max, 7 over on my fat, right on my carbs, and I was only 1 g under my protein. It was a good day. Hubby keeps telling me that he's proud of me for sticking with it... especially when he doesn't make it easy (read ice cream). We've decided to clean out a cabinet for my dietish foods so that I can plan my meals out for a week and see how I do. My goal is to be under all of my max limits by the end of the week. Hopefully I'll get used to the reduced amounts of food I'm eating and my stomach will stop growling!

Spread the Spark

I've decided I'm tired of being fat. Unfortunately blogging about it doesn't shed any inches off of this overloaded frame. My little ticker hasn't been updated in what, 6 months? I decided to join SparkPeople.com and try working through the website. One of their first things is that you set 3 "Fast Break Goals" that get you into the goal-achieving habit. They also get you into recording the things you eat during the day. I didn't realize how many calories I was eating. I even thought I was making healthy choices. Apparently not. So today I'm going to weigh/measure myself and see just how bad it is. Maybe when I start exercising (bleh) Monday, coupled with this food monitoring thing, I'll start seeing results. I've even talked Tim into doing it with me for now.

Wish me luck and pray for me, please, this is going to be difficult, and I'm going to need all the help I can get.

A week of cake

I hopped on the scale this morning and realized that if I ever want to lose weight and keep it off, then I will never be able to open my own bakery. Apparently the aftermath of staying home all last week and baking wreaked havoc on my diet. Oh well.

And to think that I'm at it again.

Not the week-long stay-at-home baking spree, but something close. With 3 cakes due in the next 5 days, I'm going to be having some late nights baking, icing, carving, and decorating. I promise I'll show pictures of my results in my Facebook cake album.

Ah, progress

It seems like you're cruising along, and then it hits you. I was hoping to break 270 this week and start working on the 260's, but alas it is not so. I'm so close, only two-tenths of a pound and I'm there. It brings to mind a line from one of my favorite movies, "Almost there... Almost there..." Bonus points if you can name it.

I've read that it is possible to under eat while dieting and that it causes the body to preserve what it has. Yeah, lets go with that. Admittedly I've been so busy at work that I've "forgotten" to eat my second package of oatmeal in the afternoon. Is it too much to ask that I shrink a size or two anytime soon? At least I'm showing some progress... granted it is not 2 lbs. like last week, but I'm still going down.

Trying something new (again)

I've tried something new this past week.

I haven't walked a day this week - I've just not had the energy that early in the morning. I'm even going to bed about an hour after the kiddos do. I don't know, but I haven't been dragging like I usually do when I don't exercise.

This something new involves my diet, or more specifically, what and how much I'm eating. I've been bringing instant oatmeal and toasted snack crackers to work with me and eating oatmeal around 8am, crackers at 11am or so, and oatmeal again around 2pm. I'm also limiting the amount I eat at dinner. For example, we went to China.City Buffet Wednesday night for my parents' birthday dinner, and I love Chinese food, but I was good and only got one plate and a small bowl of ice cream for dessert. Instead of gaining after a night like that like I usually do, I maintained the downward trend. Yay!

I've found that while I might be hungry earlier than 8am, I tend to get queasy if I eat too early. Same thing with walking... I could do it just fine at 7am, but doing it 2 hours earlier makes me sick. We'll have to try something else there.

Still Counting Down...

That's right, folks! In 24 hours I get to go INSIDE!!! That is all.

Well, actually, it isn't, but it's dramatic, no?

I've decided that laundry day should be banned, and that someone should invent a machine that collects dirty clothes, washes them, folds/hangs them, and puts them away. This machine should be able to work at any given time with no maintenance or malfunction. Wait, I think Someone beat me to it... He created Moms. That explains my sudden desire to scrub rings our of my husband's collars. I think I need to talk to the Designer and suggest some modifications to the design to improve performance.

I started watching Dune last night on Net.flix and stopped half way through so that I could go to bed (kind of happy I was able to exercise self control). I haven't watched it in a long time, and I'd forgotten how... um... interesting some of the imagery is. I was happy to see a younger (?) Patrick.Stewart in the film. I won't be able to watch any tonight because Tim will be home, and I don't think he likes that kind of movie, but also because I have to get an early start to the temple. I understand that it will be an involved process that will take a lot out of me the first time. I'll let you know for sure later. We also have an Elders Quorum activity, and we're going grocery shopping after that. It's going to be a long day.

Yesterday was Dougie's birthday. It's hard to believe that my little dude is 5! We're having cake at my parents' house on Sunday after church to celebrate their birthdays as well. I haven't decided what cake to make, so last night we had ice cream with a candle in it for him. He really liked that. We're also going to give him his gifts then, too.

I weighed in this morning. I'm don't under stand why I can be 272 yesterday and 274 today. I even walked this morning. So much for progress.

I'm awake, I promise...

I finally did it. I woke up at 4:30 and walked for 30 minutes for the first time this week. It felt good to get back on the treadmill.

... wow did I just say that???

I tried watching some streaming video through Net.flix, but the Internet spazzed out. I ended up watching part of the 2-part Warehouse.13 instead. Love that show. :) I know... geek.

Getting across town yesterday was, uh how you say? fun. Note the sarcasm. I must have hit every red light through town, and I was stopped by the train a mile from my parents' house to get Dougie. I had to call the school to let them know that I was running late and ask them to tell the bus driver. Luckily he lives a quarter mile from the bus stop.

The kiddos did an awesome job taking care of things when they got home - putting away their shoes, emptying their lunch boxes, and starting their homework. I've decided that instead of reading our scriptures before bed, we're going to read them after homework is done, and they can do activities and play games afterwards.

Speaking of activities, these are the recent wee nifties we've created using the hamas beads. The princess and fairy godmother are Chloie's the aquatic life belong to Dougie, and the car and trophy are Audie's. They sit down with their board and pattern, I pick out the beads by color they need, and they put them on the board. I get to do the ironing.

You know what, I'm giddy with excitement about this Saturday. In 48 hours I get to go INSIDE!!! I think I might do a little happy dance! :) Every time I think about it I start grinning from ear to ear. Was it like this for everyone else?

I'm beginning to like this new schedule.

It's still a challenge getting up in the morning with no one else awake. I'm still trying to figure out the best route to take to work that early in the morning. We're still working out the kinks, but I think it's worth it.

Yesterday I met Mom and Dougie at our favorite local craft store. She was looking for yarn so that she could also participate in the Bernat mystery crochet-a-long (follow along on Wednesdays here). I'll be posting my progress on here, don't worry. I found a soft, light-weight teal yarn I'm planning on using to knit a sweater after my favorite store-bought one. I'll adjust the pattern as I do it, however, to account for my height and a little more length in the sleeves.

We got to the bus stop to wait for Audie and Chloie, and I let Dougie play with my phone. He received great joy shaking the free "rolling dice" game and adding the numbers together. We got everyone home, homework done, and planners signed. They even washed out their drink containers and cleaned their lunch boxes! Chloie finished her homework first and asked to play her PS3 game, Audie asked to do his Hama beads set from the movie Cars. He made a trophy and an image of Lightening.McQueen. Dougie played with Chloie on the PS3 for a while. We had Mac-n-cheese with hot dogs for dinner, and I taught the kiddos how to rinse their dishes in the sink after meals (something else they're going to take more responsibility for). We left for the church for Scouts on time today; I love how this schedule doesn't make our evening activities so rushed and hectic. I scoured the house for Audie's form, but couldn't find it, so I had to get a new one from Sister Vincent. I was able to work on redoing the visiting teaching routes while Chloie and Dougie played, and JaNae and I sat there for another 45 minutes after Scouts were done going over the results. I plan to go in a little early Sunday to finish up and get everything printed out for the supervisors.

We stopped by Lowe's to see Tim. His boss, Chad, got to meet the whole family finally, and we purchased more 3/4" screws for our dresser project. By the time we got home, it was late. I mean LATE. 9:30 is well past their bed time, and I'm starting to see that it's almost past mine, too. With this new schedule, I can't seem to get up and exercise. I'm planning on going to bed by 9:30 tonight and do my walk tomorrow morning. Luckily, I haven't gained any weight back... I'm still sitting at 273. We'll see how I feel about getting up tomorrow.

Ginger Ale and Crackers

We had a pretty good weekend.

It seems like I could stop there, but so much happened that I don't think it accurately sums it up.

JaNae and I worked Friday evening on reorganizing the visiting teaching routes. I'll enter the changes Tuesday afternoon while Audie is in Scouts. We also discussed ideas for next year's VT Conference. It's going to BEE fun! Tim was away for the evening to take a test in Hagerstown at the jail, but the place was so a"maze"ing that he couldn't find it and missed the test. He's going to try again next month now that he knows where to go.

I got up and walked Saturday morning as I had planned to. After breakfast, we worked as a family on the dressers we started months ago for the boys. Together we assembled the 4 small drawers and 2 of the 6 big drawers. We also used the router to to a half round to the front edge of the drawer faces and used another bit (don't ask me which one) to rabbit(?) the side panels. We glued and screwed it all together, and wow, it looks good! It's nice to see progress happening, and the kiddos really enjoy helping out in the workshop. They shared different sweeping jobs, helped move wood pieces from one place to another, and had screws ready when we needed them.

We had the Galbraiths over for a dinner of steak, oven baked herb potatoes, and corn with pudding clouds with sprinkles for dessert. It was fun to have them over and talk.

Sunday at church we talked about the restored church in sacrament, and work in Gospel Essentials. I miss not having Tim teaching, but Debbie did an awesome job. He decided to go to Gospel Doctrine instead of staying with me in Essentials. I've decided that I'll change over in January when they start the New Testament. I hate trying to start something in the middle of the program.

Amy and I went over our plans for going to the Temple on Saturday, so we left church a little late. As a result, Tim didn't have much time at my parents' house before he changed and went to work. We did have Mom's awesome baked ziti. Mmmm, tasty!

Then the fun started Sunday night. Dougie got sick sometime around midnight. Tim was up watching the Redskins beat the Cowboys when it happened. He was crushed. He let me sleep and took care of it the first time, but Dougie kept throwing up at hour intervals throughout the night. We finally settled his tummy enough to get some sleep, but by that time I'd decided to call in sick to work to take care of him. Tim got some ginger ale and crackers, and Dougie and I worked on sipping and nibbling for the rest of the day. He slept a lot, but in the end was able to eat chicken soup and ice cream for dinner without upsetting his tummy.

All this happened during a particularly nasty blowout Tim and I had over the weekend. I'll admit that we've argued about a lot of things recently, but nothing like this. This was bad. Since then, we've managed to work things out, but feelings will be tender for a while, and we'll both have to get used to the new way of doing things. Luckily, and through the grace of God, we're still together, and perhaps a little stronger for it.

Which brings me to this morning. I didn't walk yesterday because of the fight and Dougie's tummy aches, and Tim and worked things out this morning when he got home for a couple hours, so I skipped walking this morning in favor of getting an extra hour of sleep. Somehow through all of this I still lost weight. Not much, but enough to encourage me to walk tomorrow. I'm on the new schedule now and going in at 6:30am, so I'm still getting used to getting up that early, getting to bed on time, and trying out different routes to get the best one to get me to work. It will be tight running in the afternoons when I have to leave at 3pm, pick up Dougie at my parents' house, and get to the bus stop in time to pick up the kiddos. We'll see how we do today.

How is progress measured?

Progress is a funny thing. Sometimes you see a lot of it all at once. Sometimes it takes what seems like forever before you see anything. Sometimes it looks like you're going backwards.

Take, for example, this import project at work. Over the last week that we've been testing it, I've noticed a drastic reduction in the amount of errors I have to address each week. Time management is getting better because less time is spent doing the tasks that the imports handle. This kind of progress is encouraging, but not all progress is this noticeable.

Another instance to consider is my website. It's taken a long time to get it, and now that I've got it, the only thing there is an "under construction" page. Unfortunately, that's all I know how to do at the moment. I've started working on the content, but it is very slow progress. Getting to the temple, too, has been a slow process. After 3 years, I'm finally going next Saturday. My interviews are done, my appointment is scheduled (anyone who wants to be there should arrive by 10:30 for the 11am session), and now all I have to do is get there on time.

Finally, my third examination involves the dreaded diet. Blah! Last week I started out at 15 minutes a day; this week I cranked it up to 30 minutes a day, and I've managed to GAIN weight. I'm sure that Monday's festivities and missing Wednesday's walk didn't help matters any, but it's not the kind of progress I'm hoping for. Now I can keep my hopes up by saying that working out had built muscle, that muscle weighs more than fat and has contributed to my gain, that this increased muscle mass will burn more fat and eventually show a loss, but I'm not sure I believe it. For now I plan to stick with it and maybe increase the number of days to 6. Tim will move to day shift on Sunday, so that will throw a little kink into the schedule, but I plan on getting up at 4:45am to continue my regimen. Dougie has even suggested that we do yoga in the afternoons after I pick him, Audie, and Chloie up and get them home. I've heard that exercise sharpens the mind; maybe it will benefit the kiddos before they start their homework?

On the bright side, I've learned that the yarn I ordered for the mystery corchet-a-long is shipping today. Is it possible to consider this progress if I haven't actually started the project?

More fun than I can imagine.

I've noticed that weekends tend to be very busy around here. You know, I spend all week looking forward to a nice relaxing day, and end up with an activity explosion!

We invited Peyton over to play with Chloie Friday night. We painted nails, made necklaces, and had ziti while we watched Planet 51. Both of them had been bouncing off the walls with excitement all week waiting for Friday, and I'm glad they had a good time.

Saturday started simply enough, slept in an extra hour or so, kids up for breakfast (Tim made eggs... yummy!). Then the kiddos and I left for my parents' house and Tim went to Virginia to visit friends. My mother had hatched a plan... no, this is serious business. While Dad and I went to the AT&T store to get new phones, Mom would take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's for lunch and games. I'd finally settled on a Samsung Solstice. It's a neat little messaging phone with a touch screen and more buttons on the sides than I know what to do with. Funny thing is, I remember when you got a user manual in the box. Now you get a quick start up guide and a CD for the computer with the tutorial on it. Who has time to watch the tutorial to figure out how their phone works??? I just want to know how to set up my contacts! Dad settled on a slider like my sister. It took a little longer picking out and setting up phones than expected, but we finally made it back to Cheese's after 1.5 hours. Poor Mom. Somehow she talked me into playing a few of the games, and among the 5 of us we managed to get 433 tickets. We picked out glow-in-the-dark bracelets and were on our way. I'm told that Mom and Dad stopped by Rita's for some well-deserved tastiness.

By the time we got home, Tim still hadn't made it back, so we ate a quick dinner of sandwiches and finished the Avatar: the Last Airbender series while we baked chocolate chip cookies and I tried a Scottish Shortbread recipe. Tim finally got home late after the kiddos fell asleep. He said he had a good time visiting.

We were almost late for church on Sunday. Tim was released as a ward missionary and the Gospel Essentials teacher. Then he was called to be the Bear leader for our Boy Scouts program. They called Tom Hall to be his assistant. It was an inspiring fast and testimony meeting. I particularly enjoyed listening to Bishop Vincent. Tim taught his last class in Essentials about sacrifice, and our Relief Society lesson was on Service. I remembered that talk from General Conference a couple years ago. It's nice to hear references to talks I've heard; it makes me feel more "into it" than when they reference something from before my time in the church.

Tim didn't have to work Sunday night so we watched a few episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space 9. If you can't tell, I'm a big Star Trek fan... and a geek, but please don't hold it against me.

Monday, oh Monday, a holiday! Labor Day! No school! No work! I weighed myself and discovered that I'd gained 2 pounds back of the 3 that I'd lost. Grrr! I hopped onto the treadmill for double the time, determined to get rid of it. 30 minutes, 1.25 miles, and 145 calories later, it wasn't much better. Tim and Audie helped Steve work on his yard for a few hours. Chloie, Dougie, and I followed them down to visit for a minute before the 3 of us went grocery shopping at the Winchester Martin's. Hannah was taking a bath so we just left the cookies on the counter for her, Abbey, and Steve.

Would you believe that I didn't get lost on my way to Martin's? I was so happy! Even better, we're trying to cut back on the amount of money we spend so that we can pay off our bills and save for a house, so my goal for our 2-week menu was to spend less than $100. Our bill came to $99.45. The kiddos helped me unload everything when we got home, and we had lunch ready when Tim and Audie got back. They got clean (wow, they were dusty), and everyone took a short nap before we went to the Galbraith's house for a Labor Day BBQ. It was good to see them, friends we knew, and to meet new people.

And then I realize how long this post has gotten...

I was on the treadmill again this morning for 30 minutes hoping to work off the good food I ate yesterday. Honestly, I was such a pig! I can't tell if it's working, but I hope that it does some thing soon!

We did it!!!

That big project I've been working on all week? DONE!!!

Randy looks like we just lifted the weight of the world off of his shoulders. Thanks to His and his help, we've managed to complete all of the templates, imports, and reports and we've also done a successful run on each using live data. So far things are working (knock on wood), and there are no foreseeable issues with the system. Yay!

In another area of progress, I've posted in the side bar. I started Monday at 277.4 lbs. and have lost 3.2 lbs as of this morning. The key here will be to keep it off over the weekend.

And now for a moment of cute...

An original Dougie masterpiece!

5 minutes to go

I don't know what I was thinking last night, but I got caught up in something I was watching on TV and was up until 1am. Now I know what you're thinking, but I promise it was for a quasi-good cause. Chloie has a friend at school that liked her scarf so much, that she asked Chloie if her mommy would make her one, too. Chloie was so excited when she asked me that I couldn't turn her down, so I dug out my jumbo knitting needles and the same colorful eyelash yarn that I used before and knitted for two nights to finish it. With 6 inches to go at midnight, I decided to stay up for a little bit longer to get it done. I love the colors...

So I woke up this morning 5 minutes before my alarm, and I'm not even tired. I got up and dressed, set up the treadmill, and cranked it up to a whopping 1.5 incline today! Small steps require enthusiasm so please bear with me. If I don't at least try, it will be the shortest workout in history. In any case, with only 5 hours of sleep I'm usually dragging my behind for most of the day; however, I'm feeling pretty good. Maybe this exercise thing is working after all.

Oh, and another nifty bit of news... they finally opened the new section of Route 9 between Kearneysville and Opequon. Going that route took 8 minutes off of my commute! Sweet!

Are we there yet?

... or in my case, is it working yet?

After months patiently waiting for its moment of glory and recognition, the treadmill is finally getting the attention it deserves. It sat in the basement for months without use, mostly because it was 'out of sight' so I didn't think to use it. Tim hasn't either, but with the Lowe's workout program, it doesn't look like he needs to. I'd been asking (nagging) him for weeks to help me bring it upstairs so that I could put it in the living room, but it seemed to take forever, and this wasn't something I could move myself (see the bookcase in the office).

Walking past it several times a day for the last 2 weeks finally worked. Yesterday and this morning, I got up a little early and actually used it. Granted it was only on level 2.0 and only for 15 minutes, but hey, it's progress! I figure if I ease into it that I'll be more likely to stick with it this time. Even at that level and little time in the morning has given me hope. I feel a little more awake, though at this point its not much more than my usual, and I'm not sure if it is the 15 minutes of sweating, the quick shower, or the 30 minutes of continued sweating afterwards that is helping me feel awake. I have to drive the first 15 minutes to work with the AC on just to cool off.

My goal in this exercise (pun intended) is to lose 100 lbs. Yep, you read correctly, 100 pounds. I'll still be overweight after that, but markedly better. I've heard that without the extra weight on my frame that I'll feel better, that I won't have as much back pain (or none at all), and that I'll have more energy. Personally, I just hope that I'll be able to get back into some of my old clothes. I've decided to add a widget somewhere on here that will document my progress, and I'll update it weekly on Friday so that everyone can see it and keep me honest. Wish me luck!

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

To eat or not to eat, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of shrinking clothing, or take arms against a sea of calories and by opposing lose them. To exercise, to slack no more per chance to diet.

Some time back in June I made a bet with my hubby about weight loss. We set goals, developed a plan, and it lasted (for me) about a week. I got so frustrated at not seeing any progress. Tim, on the other hand, started work at a particular local DIY super store moving lumber and has shown definite progress.

It almost makes me sick.

Not sick enough, mind you, to stop eating. With only 3 weeks left, I've found that most of my entries into the little book in my bedside table have been of discouragement or confusion. Why does the body fat percentage on our nifty scale fluctuate so wildly from day to day? Why don't the supplements I took work? Why do I still gain if I cut the amount of food I eat in half and make up the difference with water? Why are healthier choices and fewer calories not translating to a smaller sized me? Why can't I actually use the treadmill in the living room?

I've fasted, I've dieted, I've excluded, I've exercised, I've counted, I've prayed, and nothing seems to be working. Grrrr! I've got jeans in my closet from 10 years ago I would LOVE to wear (my butt looked really good in them and they're not out-dated, I promise). I've got a couple cute dresses that are 6 sizes too small! When did this happen?!?!?

Tim will tell you that as a *larger* woman, *other* things are also larger, and that translates to happiness for him, but not for me. Especially when the *other* things make my shirts too short or tight. I have a T-shirt with a 50 cal on it that now looks actual size. I miss the days when I could randomly pick something from my closet and knew it would fit.

It looks like I have a lot of work to do.