A beautiful baptism

I needed to get out of the world.

There's been too much noise recently about finances, work, commutes, school, kids, family, friends... I just needed some quiet time. Sure a bubble bath works for a few minutes, but I felt drained. Nothing I did seemed to work. Then last week I heard about the youth temple trip.

Perfect!

I talked to Tim about going down early and doing an endowment session and then meeting the youth down there, and we tentatively agreed. Then Sunday he talked to those in charge of organizing the trip and decided that we'd be there at the church instead in case they needed more seat belts. He felt that Heavenly Father would appreciate that more.

OK, fine. I can deal with that.

While we're getting everyone ready to do the baptisms, could I at least sit in front of the mural and ponder for a while?

No, we won't have time.

My hope dashed, I felt like I wasn't ever going to get the peace I needed. We met up with everyone at the church. It turns out that they didn't need the extra seat belts after all. Oh, well. We started the trip down, and Tim and I got to talk to each other without interruption for the whole trip. It was nice. When we got there, we met up with everyone and waited for the last few adults to get there from work locally. One of the sisters decided to go in early so that she could get the family names she'd submitted for work. I decided to go in with her and see if the store was open so I could exchange some items (6 months later and I'm still trying to figure out what is most comfortable for me), but the store was closed. Disappointment again. Wow, I'm batting 1000.

I finally approached the brethren at the desk, showed my recommend, and asked if I could just sit by the mural. One smiled at me and said, "You can do whatever you want to in the temple." Finally, some encouragement. Once inside I sat down and just looked over the faces in the painting. What are they thinking, I wonder, looking at Him. What is He thinking as he looks on. He has a serious expression, but it's not sad or angry, just there. Like when I come home and the kiddos come to me to say hi. I just hold out my arms and they give me hugs. :) Maybe his expression is more 'Here I am, come to me.' It felt good to sit there in silence. I didn't hear anything about outside. No traffic or finances, kids or work, just silence. It was wonderful.

I met up with the other sister a few minutes later, and we went downstairs to meet everyone else at the font. I was excited now because I got to work this time. I even brought my own clothes and everything. :) I was amazed at how much further away the world seemed while I performed my tasks in the temple. I felt like I was contributing to something bigger and better than outside had to offer.

Our group was joined by a brother and sister I didn't recognize. I didn't know it was possible, but I truly saw a beautiful baptism when he baptized her. I just sat in awe and watched. She never touched her face when she went under the water so I had a clear view of her peaceful expression as she arose each time out of the water. She was angelic almost. There was a different feeling there. I don't know why.

The youth on the trip were awesome. They were highly complimented by the temple workers, and I'm very proud of them. We went home after 10pm so it was a late night, but it was worth it. I feel relieved, and I think I'm ready to face the world again.

Which was more painful?

Before we fell asleep last night, Tim and I were talking about a recent news story from Utah. A man accused of multiple counts of rape, sodomy, and sexual assault of children was deemed too mentally unstable to be held accountable for his crimes, but he wasn't sick enough to be remanded to a mental institution. They released him. Why would they let him go? They know full well what he is capable of.

That conversation segued into Lucifer's predicament. Why would Heavenly Father allow the conception of a son he knew would oppose him unless he planned for it? It almost seems like the 'son of the morning' was doing exactly what he has born to do. Tim didn't like me in the role of "devil's advocate" (no pun intended), so we agreed that there's more to this than what has been revealed to us. For now we agree that Lucifer has made is choice and continues to be angry that his plan wasn't chosen.

So my rhetorical question to ponder last night was this: Which was more painful for Heavenly Father to endure - the suffering and sacrifice of Christ for the benefit of the rest of His children, or the disappointment in the decisions and actions of His other son? How exquisite, I imagine, is the pain He suffered as Christ suffered, longing to comfort Him but unable to interfere lest He negate all that Christ was doing for us? But this pain was only for a finite time, mere moments in the grand scheme of things, and never to be done again. On the other hand, as a parent I have felt deep disappointment and sorrow in some of the choices my children have made. Other parents have experienced greater pain for more serious disappointments. Sometimes it makes me question if I am teaching them enough, if I am loving them enough, if I have failed them in some way. How much more has Heavenly Father suffered for His other son? This isn't years as we know it; it is ages - eternities - each with new acts of rebellion, more of His children led away in Lucifer's acts of defiance, a constant and lasting reminder. Just wondering.

An interesting conversation

We learned two songs in Primary this Sunday. One was #277 from the green hymn book called As I Search the Holy Scriptures. I had the junior primary help me come up with hand movements to help us learn the song. We're also doing the movements when we sing the song in the primary program. We taught the senior primary the song/movements as well. Their favorite movements were "spirit" - where you start with your pointer fingers and thumbs interlinked like a chain and pull one hand away from the other in a floating spirit like movement - and "study" - where the left hand is flat and the right fingers are pointed at the left hand and wiggled like you're casting a spell on the book in the left hand. We even had them stand in the front of the room in front of the teachers to practice their song. This way they can become accustomed to performing in front of other people.

The second song we learned was page 77 in the primary song book called Did Jesus Really Live Again? It's a 3-verse song we wanted to learn so that we could sing it in primary on Easter as an Easter song. Not many of those out there. So the junior primary learned the song as just a song. No big deal. It was fun and that was all. The senior primary, on the other hand, was a little different. The first two verses just ask if he really came. The third verse said, "And there were nail prints in his hands and a spear wound in his side. Did Jesus really come again after he had died?..." One of them said, "I didn't know he was wounded by a spear. That sounds painful. Why do we write songs about that?" Such a deep question from our youth just floored me.

So, I explained about crucifixion, what it was, how they did it, and how painful it was. How if they wanted you to die quickly they would break your legs, but they didn't do that to Christ. How the spear was used to make him bleed out as another form of torture. Then I took them through one of my favorite sacrament hymns, Behold the Great Redeemer Die, and read through all 6 verses focusing first on the pain and suffering of the Savior (including the crown of thorns they didn't consider), and then on what his suffering meant for us. It was amazing to see the eyes light up with understanding as they realized that we write songs like these to remind us of what he did for us. These songs start as teaching tools for the kiddos, then turn into discussions and reminders as they get older.

They become more than just songs. I am humbled to be the one to have these conversations with them when singing time becomes more than music and turns into a true Gospel teaching moment. Just wow.

Gospel Truth in a Fortune Cookie

Randy, a coworker, and I went to lunch at Jumbo Buffet in Ranson. After a tasty lunch, we cracked open our fortune cookies and read aloud from the slips of paper. Mine said,

"Right now there's an energy pushing you to stay on your path."

Randy said, "Wow, that's suitably vague."

I said, "It's suitably accurate."

How comforting to know that the Holy Ghost is there with me, guiding me, "pushing" me to stay on the right path. I was grateful to have a brief conversation with him about it. Who knew a fortune cookie could spark a missionary moment?

When the camera pans back

I was driving to work this morning and had a thought... and I thought I would share that thought with you. Something to think about...

I love movies; they're very entertaining. Some of the most dramatic usually have a scene like this:

The hero, fleeing from an unseen danger with damsel in tow comes to a crossroads. After a quick evaluation of the sign and available paths, he chooses to go right. The camera follows him until he is out of sight then pans back to the sign. The snow falls off, and reveals a warning of danger ahead on the right path. Queue dramatic music (Dun dun duuuun). End scene.

It's not always snow, it could be branches or wind that reveals the pitfall about to ensnare our hero, but they never show them going down the safe path and the camera revealing the danger they avoided. I began to wonder if after the veil lifts and we watch the movie of our lives if the camera will pan back to reveal the warning sign we missed. There are plenty of recorded "pans" in the scriptures. The children of Israel doomed to wander the desert for 40 years because they murmured, when we can clearly see the camera pan back to reveal the warnings they received before they made their decisions to rebel.

Luckily for us our Heavenly Father also provides camera pans for missed pitfalls as well, though I'm sure they don't make for as exciting cinema. Take, for example, Daniel in the lion's den. I'm sure he was grateful not to be lion fodder because he chose to follow the commandments and listen to the Spirit. Nephi also when sent to Laban to slay him at the Lord's command avoided future hardship because he was obedient.

There have been plenty of times where I've seen the consequences of the path I didn't take. When money is low and we make the decision to pay our tithing, the checkbook balances itself and we have the money for the things we need. I could clearly see the possibilities if we hadn't - the camera pans and the snow falls away to reveal late payments, overdrafts, and bankruptcy. We can easily speculate on what could have happened if we had or hadn't chosen as we did. What could have been if we'd picked the right path instead of the wrong one, wishing we didn't have to deal with the consequences and suffer to our fate (shoulda, coulda, woulda?).

It seems to me that it would take a lot of faith to consistently listen to the Spirit, follow the commandments, and choose the path He intends for us without seeing what we avoided. What about the recovering alcoholic that chose not to take that drink? He went home sober and healthy without realizing that had he taken it, the camera pans back and the snow falls to show that he would have driven home in a drunken stupor and killed himself and someone else on the road. Or how about the woman with the gambling problem that walked away from the opportunity for easy money? The camera pans to reveal the sign... her life savings lost on that "sure thing". We can see how promptings have helped us find some hidden treasure, but how many times have we listened to the Spirit and unknowingly avoided suffering, danger, or contention? Where a bad feeling steered us away from trouble, but to us life went on as normal?

I did think, however, that it is possible to take a couple steps in the wrong direction, but listen to the Spirit before it is too late and go down the correct path. Again not as exciting or dramatic cinema, but worth considering.

Just wondering if anyone ever thought of it that way...